Little to None

It has been a while since I started writing. I fell away as my time, energy, resources, and effort, have been used in other areas of my life. I'm hoping that I can get back to writing regularly. I find it to be a relaxing way to express myself.

So, what will I talk about, well I have a lot to share. Each day holds it's own struggles and victories. So this will be a eclectic view into my thoughts and my family. 

Tonight is a thoughtful and nostalgic musing I need out of my mind

It has been a long day and a difficult night. However I feel that I need to share my thoughts.

Our family was homeless for 3 very long years. It was a very hard and difficult time! But it also gave us an insight into homelessness, and the myriad of battles it brings, each and every day. It also gave us a heart for others who are or have been in the same struggle. If we had the means, we would love to help other families who are like ours.

Unfortunately, we don't have the means.

In 2010, we moved down here. I was able to walk a little way with my walker, work with small items, not need the kind of help that I do today. With my declining health, I can empathize with other people. I am extremely BLESSED to have a family that loves me, needs me. I shouldn't feel lonely, I shouldn't, but I do. Every single day. I miss being active, I miss my friends,

I am now extremely limited in the Whats, Whens, Whys, Whos and Hows. I am a home bound, wheel chair bound, 39 year old who lives with two great teens and a husband who loves me tremendously. I have a beautiful, helpful, loving, caring family, yet I feel so lost and alone in my own home. For 5 years, we have gone to co-op, church, and other homeschooling functions. Today, it is just a battle to get me out to the doctor's office and shopping.

I can't help but think of others, just like me. How lonely it must feel to be in their own little jail.

My heart goes out to them, I want to act upon the impulse to find a way to help other people who are lonely. We, as a body of Christ, need to reach out, and be a blessing to other people. I want so much to be a light to them, and for Christ's lamp to help with the loneliness.

However, how do I do this? Even though I face my own mountains, how can I be a blessing to others around me? How can you?

As I close tonight's/morning's blog, please be in thought about what I shared.

Do you know someone struggling with loneliness? Or possibly, handicapped and can't get out like they used to? If you think of ways to be a blessing, please share! I would love to hear from you!

Now that I have taken up a large part of my night, Good night and sweet dreams.

Blessings!

The past few days have been crazy busy here in Peer land.  In lieu of writing a long blog post tonight, I just have to share a song that has been playing in my head all day!I hope this is a source of encouragement to someone who needs it tonight!
May the Lord Bless you and Keep you all tonight!

Faith in the Midst of the Waves

"Lord, if it's you," Peter replied, "tell me to come to you on the water.""Come," he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus.But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!"Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?"And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. 

Matthew 14:28-32

I continue to write out our path as it is revealed to us inch by inch. At times it seems so slow, I can be so desperate for some kind of change... but then when it becomes hectic all of the sudden I am ready for the lull. Somehow, I don't think this roller coaster of a journey is goin to come to an end any time soon!

This past week has been one of tempers, frustrations, hard work, tired achy muscles, massive pain, lack of sleep and just plain weariness as we move from one house to another. At this time, we don't know how long our sojourn will be at this one place. All I can say is that I am already anxious for the next move, but at the same time praying that it will be a move to where we will set to start our work in ministering to others rather then being in the need of ministering ourselves. 

Today has been a difficult day for me. My scripture tonight is a very accurate representation of how this day has gone. Sometimes the fear just sneaks up and washes over you as you look at a certain situation, and you see no earthly way that what needs to happen will come to pass. 

With my husband's new job, we were looking at what his checks will look like with everything taken out. It is discouraging to see that the amount of income is actually less, in many cases, then the cost of a two bedroom apartment in the bad part of town. Much less car upkeep, gas to get to work, or other functions. Once again, we are facing a "hopeless" situation. We have taken the step out of the boat... and have figuratively been walking on the walking on the water, sometimes slipping to our knees or even enough for our Lord's hand to slip beneath the surface to draw us back to a standing position.Today was one of those days where HIS hands lifted me up from the depths as I sought him throughout the day.

The winds are whipping around us, the waves are in turmoil. The murmuring of those who love us and are concerned for us, and the voices that speak loudest of all... you can't make it like this... God doesn't work that way anymore... you are a failure if you don't have your own place and a job that pays all the bills and live comfortably... you can't raise kids like this...that is not how the world works.

But then....

Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?"

I'm sorry Lord, I didn't mean to doubt....

Then Jesus said to his disciples: "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. Life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life? Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest? "Consider how the lilies grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you, O you of little faith! And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well. (Luke 12: 22-31) I'm sorry Father, forgive my doubt and worry! You see, it is difficult, like Peter, to keep our eyes upon the face of our Savior when every  thing seems at odds against us. Most of the time we won't  feel or see the situation change instantly... but if we stop, become silent, and allow ourselves to trust and wait upon him... Oh the things HE can do when we get out of HIS way!  No, our situation may look bleak. But today the Lord once again reached out and caught this sinking forgiven sinner from the depths and restored her trust and faith in HIM. I will wait for HIS perfect will to be made known... all the while trying very hard not to rush HIS masterpiece. I am content in that, knowing that if I try to take things into my fumbling fingers, I will just delay what HE has in store for us! I hope that you too will find peace in HIS words of promise. I can very confidently say, that NO MATTER WHAT your circumstance may be, He is there. Not to immediately snap his fingers and take away the hurt and fears... but to hold you, to let you learn and grow and give you the peace and courage to get through what ever it is that you face! Through HIM you can do it!

April 4, 2012

This blog entry is proving to be rather short tonight. Our host decided to get everything moved today. We got a good portion of the house done. One more move under our belt, another roof over our heads. I wish we could afford this house! It is beautiful! The arches, southwestern design, the tile, and even the color of the walls would be very much to my liking! It would take a MIRACLE for that to happen… but oh this house would be perfect! Not to big, not to small, just right for what I would want… but alas unless we win the lottery without playing, I guess it just one more roof over our heads for now.

Night two of Murray being on the night shift…. Praise the Lord for his job! If nothing else, it gives us hope for the future.  Somehow, someway, the Lord knows where we will be next. Just the wait and anticipation is sometimes troubling.

I have been reminded over and over today of one of my favorite scriptures when I am getting stressed….

Pro 3:5 Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.

Pro 3:6 In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.

Trust is a big word, an action word. But also is a quiet word, for God also tells us to stop and wait.

Psa 37:34  Wait for the LORD and keep his way, and he will exalt you to inherit the land; you will look on when the wicked are cut off.

Sometimes that is one of the hardest things to do, is to stop and wait. To let the Lord move without trying to help him, specially when there are so many people around you who think that that waiting is madness on your part, or just plain laziness.

As for tonight, I am exhausted from a difficult stressful day. It is time for rest and recuperation, to get up and do it all over again. Praise be to the Lord who has EVERYTHING in hand, so that we don’t have to!

Ebb and Flow...

 Philippians 4 : 6-7

6 Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

I find myself feeling a bit lonely and lost tonight. Murray has been blessed with a steady job working overnights at a Valero convenience store in town. Although it is a great answer to prayer, Murray and I had always set aside time to be together after the kids have gone to bed. To talk, cuddle, or watch a movie, something just to spend quiet time to connect and wind down from the day. But with him now working nights, that has had to change.

Don't get me wrong, I'm so grateful for the job and all, it is just a really hard adjustment for me after all this time, having gotten back on track with our marriage, we coveted that time fiercely. Now it feels like we will never have time for "us" again with the current schedule. I know this is Satan talking, and that the Lord will truly provide time for us... it is just part of the transition into yet another change.

I can't believe the ebb and flow of life for us recently. The past three years has been a time of one trial after another. Each one with it's own set of obstacles and difficulties. Each time yet another insurmountable mountain rises into our path, I try so hard to see past it and see how God is going to work it through. Sometimes, it is so hard to see just the next step in the journey. It feels like we are at the edge of a precipice that we can't see, with one foot on firm ground and the other in mid air, with nothing to set it down on until we place our foot down to find one stepping stone after another.

For the past six months, the Lord has blessed us immeasurably... Oh the greatness of HIS presence!

I have to admit, I have felt the pull to write, to tell our story, and share what the Lord has done, and is in the process of doing through our little family. I have prayed and prayed that if HE wants me to do this, that I would have the quiet time and inspiration to do this. I guess HE has answered in HIS own perfect way, once again. So even through my loneliness and yearning for my husband's presence, I can honestly say that even in this change and testing time, I can see the Lord's hand as HE continues to work in us. Not only that, but it brings me closest to my God, as I must rely on HIS presence then that of my husband. This time of testing draws me to my knees, seeking HIM that much more. Thank you FATHER for using the difficult times to draw us even closer!

And to those of you who may reading this, Know that in the loneliness, in the quiet, SOMEONE is calling to you, to call upon HIM, to drink in HIS presence to fight back the darkness, and bring HIS light into your life! Our God is mighty, and what HE allows will make us that much stronger! It doesn't mean life will be easy, but it does mean that you will always have HIM there at all times, through the most difficult times in your lives! All you have to do is seek HIM!

My prayer tonight, is that the Lord Blesses each of you, and that you will feel HIS all-encompassing peace this night! May you all find rest and encouragement. Sleep well, and may the new day be bright and full of promise! In Jesus Name! Amen!

Waxing poetic over lemons to lemonade.... and the occasional squirt in the Devil's eye.

I'm sittin here in a dark room with only the sounds of soft breathing and the clicking of my keyboard to keep me company tonight. Everyone had a long day, and wore themselves out. Hubby is in bed, and the kids are spread out on the floor on their folding beds, out for the long night. But here I sit, soaking in the calm and quiet of the moment. I can actually hear myself think, for once.


I find myself marveling at how things have changed for our family, and how far down we have been brought, only to be happier and stronger now then ever before. Living in a small 12 x 12 bedroom, with 4 people and a energetic silky terrier is no easy feat. And yet, I am content in the bliss of an loving in-tact family.

The past two years have brought one crash after another. Adultery, seperation, pain, loosing a house, car, belongings, deteriating health, and so close, a marriage. And yet, through it all, I have felt the all-encompassing calm and peace that surpases any earthly understanding. I can't hold it in, and I don't want to. People ask me how I do it all the time. And frankly, it isn't me, it can't be me. I am human, full of fears, flaws, and a past. No, it can't be anything that is humanly possible.

My victories no longer come in the material, although I would love to have a more stable situation then where we are at, but no, that is not where the victories and success come from any more. My victories are when my husband looks at me and very lovingly tells me I am the best wife, or when my kids come and without a word lean into me and give me a hug for no reason but to just feel mom's arms around them. My victory is in the laughter of our children, no matter what the circumstances may be. My victory is in the marriage that has been resurected from the ashes, to one that honors God and is growing continuosly. My victory is when we haven't known where the next meal will come from, then a knock at the door reveals bags of groceries, a smiling face, and huge hugs.

Yep... take that in the eye SATAN! This family is not yours!!!.... have some of this lemon juice that the Lord has turned into the most refreshing lemonade on earth! Bet that stings a little, doesn't it!

But without God, and the salvation that comes from knowing Christ, and the hope and faith that comes along with the relationship with HIM, NONE of that would be possible today. He is my Hope and my Peace on the days that seem to have no end. He is my Song and Dance on the days that are full of toil and pain. He is my Rock, my Promise on the days i can't seem to draw a breath without feeling the drain of this diseased and failing body. He is my Strength and Deliverer on the days that the failures and past comes to haunt me. He sees me as the one HE made with loving care to every detail, not the one who has failed Him with the disease of Sin. I have been washed and have become without blemish by the blood HE shed for us.

But the best thing of all, as I share this, is that I am not the only one. He offers this and more to ALL of us, we just have to step up and take it. I have to say that in my limited human brain, it amazes me to know that HE is out there, just wanting a relationship with HIS creation. That is so cool to me. Because, as a human, I don't know that I could be that loving and caring, totally unconditionally. :)

Well the hands are starting to sting and the hour is getting late. Thank you for letting me share a little of my testimony and the greatness of God. I'm not posting to offend, preach, or condemn. I just have to share what is on my heart and my mind. I am not ashamed of my Savior and God, I am not perfect, just very relieved and thankful to be forgiven!